The Clock is Ticking

Not to dwell on it or anything, but the packing madness continues and quite frankly, I don't know how much more of it I can take. Not only is the computer room an utter disaster, but the insanity has now crept down the hall and infected the living room as well. As you can see, stuff is literally EVERYWHERE. Sure, a normal person might methodically go through the piles and the boxes and the random strewn objects and deal with them in some logical order; but I can't. I'm not a normal person in a logical sense. Somehow, for some reason, I have to make as big a mess as possible in order to get anything done.

The thing is though, I really don't do well psychologically when things are in chaos. It makes me distracted. I wander from pile to pile with no real plan; no real purpose. Sometimes I just sit despondently on the couch and mutter. And adding to the stress of the mess is the fact that my suitcases are filling up ridiculously fast. One is already full to the max and the other is not far from capacity (and I haven't even packed my tampons!).

Another source of stress: my parent’s scale, which apparently, is 10 pounds off-- and not in the good way. Of course, I didn't know this until after I'd weighed and packed, and weighed and packed, and weighed and packed, all the while feeling fairly cocky about meeting my weight requirement. Then my mom burst my bubble by mentioning (in passing really) that she always added 10 pounds to the scale. Ten pounds. Ten pounds! Suddenly, I'm not sitting so pretty.

The madness will end because it has to and right now, that's the light at the end of the tunnel for me. So I guess it's back to packing and making sense of the madness because really, the clock is tick-tick-ticking.

My Last Sunday

Today was my last Sunday at church with my family. I had to get up and speak, which of course horrified me all week -- even though when the time came, it took me less than a minute to do. After speaking, my pastor invited my family and the Elders of my church up so they could pray for me. It was very special. After church was over, I was able to take Communion. It was something I wanted to do because I don't know when I'll get to take it again. Not all churches practice open Communion.

My mom was darling. She totally cried multiple times at church. I felt emotional too, but I mostly let her shed tears for the both of us. It's hard though, because she's so adorable and genuine and lovable and missable; I could easily dissolve into tears with her all day long. But I won't, at least not yet, because that would make for a long week. My tears aren't sad though, and really, I don't think hers are either. I get emotional when I'm struck by an overwhelming sense of awe. I felt the same way before I left Seattle. Sometimes I just can't believe how lucky I am to have so much to miss and so much to be thankful for and so much to look forward to.

It was really important to me to celebrate Communion one more time, not that I did anything to make it a reality. It was all my mom's arranging. It was really special though, the way it happened: after church, in my pastor's office with my parents and my pastors and a couple of Elders who've known me my whole life. I can't really explain it, nor would I want to; but suffice to say, it was very intimate. And very binding. God's love, God's family, God's gifts; they are very binding. Sometimes things you've known your whole life can strike you in a whole new way.

And I suppose that that's the most humbling, awe-inspiring thing of all.

Packing Madness

The computer room at my parent's house has exploded, and I mean EXPLODED. I can't even sleep in here because the bed is covered with so much stuff. It's packing madness and it's making me lose my mind. The piles are everywhere and they're heaping. There are piles of things I'm taking, piles of things I want to take but don't know if I will, piles of things I probably don't need to take but most likely will take anyway, and piles of things I'm not going to take (at least that's what I think right now); there are even piles of things I don't know why I'm piling. It's utter insanity.

Speaking of insanity, I went to Costco with my mom and we went a little crazy. Not surprising to anyone aware of the "Mahaffey Family Huge" phenomemon. I'm fairly certain I have enough headache and sinus medicine to start my own cartel. I do realize that it's very ridiculous that I'm packing a miniture pharmacy; but at the same time, I can't help it: I'm totally neurotic. Do I need 300 excedrine migrane pills? Probably not. Do I need 300 aleve pills? 200 midols? 200 tampons? Clariton? Advil Cold and Sinus? Nyquil? 36 razor heads? No. No. No. No. No. And, No. I'm pretty sure people get headaches in Ukraine. Can I stop the madness though? No, because really, I'm ridiculous like that. So expect to get, at some point, a rant along the lines of: did I really waste all that space on pain killers and tampons?!

I'm getting pretty excited about leaving, but it's still all rather surreal. I can't fathom what it's going to be like so it's almost like I'm not processing it. It'll be a real shock to leave, and to get there, and to stay... I don't know, it's crazy. I can't fathom what I'm about to do so instead I'm obsessing about the small things, like 200 tampons and 36 razor heads and 24 small bags of sunflower seeds and fitting my blinket because that has to go -- even though it's weird.

The good-byes are starting to mount. First it was Annie and Watson and Wacarra in Seattle. Then it was the Andersons in Hawaii. Earlier this month it was Matt and Darcy and John in New York; then it was Sarah and Steve in Spokane. And tonight, tonight it was to most of my family in San Jose: Jeff, Kathy, Audrey, Melissa, James, Steve, Lori, Morgan, Keaton, Fran, Shawn, Maria, little Jesse and Christian. Tonight I just felt so blessed to have such a huge family who loves me and supports me in so many ways. Though good-byes still loom, I'm trying to prepare for them. It'll be hard to say good-bye to my grandparents, all four of them who I'm blessed to know and have. It'll be hard to say good-bye to Lori, who I have come to know in such a real and meaningful way. It'll be hard to say good-bye to Josh, my old buddy who always makes me laugh. And of course, there are my parents and Jason; how I do love them, and how I will miss them.

But thankfully, I still have a few days before I have to think about that... kind of.