My first Oye!

Today it happened: I was standing in my room, showing Yulia the makings of my soon-to-be knitting project (right now I’m still trying to get my rhythm) when all of the sudden, I dropped one needle and out came, ‘Oye!’

Guys, I said my first Oye! This is so exciting! The old Sheryl would have said ‘Whoop’ or ‘Wow’ or ‘Oops’ but the new Sheryl, the new Sheryl says ‘Oye’. I’ve been waiting expectantly for my first Oye, wondering when and if it would ever just pop out of my mouth as natural as can be.

While I was walking to the post-office the other day, I hit a patch of ice and slipped. I didn’t fall, thankfully, but I did flail my arms around wildly, kick out a leg abruptly, swivel my hips unnaturally, and say ‘Wow!’ rather loudly. Wow gave me away; nobody here says Wow. People slip, but they don’t say Wow; this is strictly Oye territory. After I composed myself, I thought: that would have been a good time for an Oye. I guess I wanted it too much. Oye comes when Oye is ready to come.

My host brother was trying to help me get the internet on my computer at home. I didn’t ask for his help, he kind of just forced it upon me. It “turns out” that I “can’t get dial-up” on my computer because I “don’t have a driver” and the only way to “get a driver” is to “reinstall windows”, this according to the computer guy Misha dragged me to. I’m not interested in reinstalling windows, I’m more interested in not messing with my computer because as it is, she’s old and quirky and I want her to last two years. When I get my own place, I’ll be able to get high-speed internet at home anyway, so I’m not terribly concerned about getting dial-up now, but I digress.

Misha’s computer guy installed a translation program onto my computer. I didn’t ask him for it and I didn’t really want it but it happened so fast that I couldn’t stop it. The program is cool. It works in Word. I can type a sentence in English and the computer will translate it into Ukrainian, Russian, or German and vice-versa. I haven’t really used it much and I probably won’t use it that much because the translation is just mediocre. When the computer guy was excitedly showing me how it works, he typed a few simple phrases into Ukrainian and then translated them to English.

His initial translations included: write something, do you speak English? And, you try. I tried. Then he typed something into the computer and looking all triumphant, he translated it and turned the screen towards me. The screen read: Now intercourse will be easier. Call me immature, but that’s funny. NOW INTERCOURSE WILL BE EASIER!? It was the last thing I was expecting to read when he unveiled his last translation. I know he meant that now, communicating will be easier, but man, it still made me laugh.

And probably, if he knew why I was laughing, he would have said ‘Oye!’ and typed something else.